Dealing with Bad News

The bad news hits your raw nerve like a truck speeding at great velocity. It impinges on your life to such extent you stagger. It could be anything, from rejection of any kind to a sudden onset of illness. All in all, you are on the receiving end and you have find a way to deal with the bad news somehow.

Share, Connect, Seek Support

Feel welcome to wallow in your pain of disappointment with the received news on your rejected job application for the first time. Wallowing and self pity is fine and take as much time as you need to get it out of your system. We are all human beings here, and if you need to vent and punch a pillow or cry endlessly for hours, do so. Release the pain through the most unproductive ways if you want with two exceptions if you will.

One word of warning, though. If the pent-up anger is what you normally feel when the world acts against your expectations, its immediate release will only serve to exacerbate your feelings to such an extent that the f(ire) will fester for many days to come. It is a given gleaned from scientific sources. Avoid muting the pain with anything that comes your way ie. alcohol, drugs, and other people. When we act angry we tend to take it out on other people who are just innocent bystanders, even if what they do might serve only to irritate us further. Save them the pain and refrain from releasing the steam by abusing people or substances.

A man would probably tend to cut off from the world and sleep on the issue or work it out. Share your secret with the greatest buddy of yours if you two have been there before.

Take Action to Deal with Bad News

Take it like a man, but do not clam up or accept your fate passively. After you have slept on it, strive to find an answer, as much as it might seem impossible at present. Above all do not despair unless you are dealing with someone else’s death or the doctor’s death warrant. Leave no stone unturned if you must and gather all the facts. There is ALWAYS a solution, as much as you might be unsure to admit it right away, although it may take you some time to get there.

The pain of making it through will cease with time and is unfortunately part of our lives, whether we like it or not. If you have few close confidants, share your worries in online communities where your particulat situation should be received with care and empathy. Accept support pouring in from other people, including strangers, if you wish.

Count on Your Inner Resources

Even when the whole world turns its back on you, do not give up or yield to depression. Someone has to go on paying your bills after all. Although we all have limited resources and our capacity to endure pain is greatly limited, you can make it safely to the shore. The more you do and behave rationally against all odds, the more effectively it takes your worries off your mind. Let the storm rage on, but you take the course towards calmer seas. The pain may not abate as soon as you want it, but life will come knocking on your door. Let it in.

Look up to Watch the Stars

When they told you you would be happy once you started a job, they lied. When they suggested life would be more colorful when the house you buy faces north rather than the south, they lied. When they told you you should follow they example or settle down or stick to the house rules exactly the way they told, or else you would be in trouble, they lied. When they steered your life like a captain who is blind, they were wrong and took many wrong turns. When you opposed you were faced with the threat of being thrown over the board or worse. When you tried to have your own opinion it was dismissed with a shrug, so they always knew better than you what you needed and what you wanted. So you followed them meekly as you did not have much choice left. Whenever you opposed you were crushed and negated and invalidated.

They vs Us

If you recognize yourself in the above description you could be now one of them, behaving similarly towards your own children, as you know no better than this. You prefer them to follow your rules, you believe you deserve it through your hard work and sacrifice on a daily basis. Perhaps this is true in your world but it does not mean everything will work according to your rules. Rules can be bent but that does not happen in your world only someone else’s. Strict implementation of those rules are not to serve your kids, only you and you only. You set them and you want them to be complied with. Compliance and submissiveness are the only things you are happy about, as you cannot stand the thought that someone else might be doing the very same thing you like to be doing. If you are a follower of Ordung, that is all fine and well, but with no bit of flexibility just dissmisal you are just one step closer to bringing up a baby that similarly displays controlling behaviors, thus perpetuating the pattern. Sure there are no people without any negative character traits but some of those could be more acute and remain as obstacles in relating to the others.

Ah! Those Mistakes!

Those mistakes are repeated throughout the period of a person’s lifetime with little to no chance of minimizing them if one does not see those faulty wirings and learnt behaviors from your own parents that also did not know much better themselves, and so the story goes. Some schools of psychology claim that you need to start a change from now to hope for the better future, others pointing to the formative years when your character took shape. What shape is that really? What does it represent? What sort of values did you acquire along the way? Where do mistakes end and serious issues begin? How do we know?