When they told you you would be happy once you started a job, they lied. When they suggested life would be more colorful when the house you buy faces north rather than the south, they lied. When they told you you should follow they example or settle down or stick to the house rules exactly the way they told, or else you would be in trouble, they lied. When they steered your life like a captain who is blind, they were wrong and took many wrong turns. When you opposed you were faced with the threat of being thrown over the board or worse. When you tried to have your own opinion it was dismissed with a shrug, so they always knew better than you what you needed and what you wanted. So you followed them meekly as you did not have much choice left. Whenever you opposed you were crushed and negated and invalidated.
They vs Us
If you recognize yourself in the above description you could be now one of them, behaving similarly towards your own children, as you know no better than this. You prefer them to follow your rules, you believe you deserve it through your hard work and sacrifice on a daily basis. Perhaps this is true in your world but it does not mean everything will work according to your rules. Rules can be bent but that does not happen in your world only someone else’s. Strict implementation of those rules are not to serve your kids, only you and you only. You set them and you want them to be complied with. Compliance and submissiveness are the only things you are happy about, as you cannot stand the thought that someone else might be doing the very same thing you like to be doing. If you are a follower of Ordung, that is all fine and well, but with no bit of flexibility just dissmisal you are just one step closer to bringing up a baby that similarly displays controlling behaviors, thus perpetuating the pattern. Sure there are no people without any negative character traits but some of those could be more acute and remain as obstacles in relating to the others.
Ah! Those Mistakes!
Those mistakes are repeated throughout the period of a person’s lifetime with little to no chance of minimizing them if one does not see those faulty wirings and learnt behaviors from your own parents that also did not know much better themselves, and so the story goes. Some schools of psychology claim that you need to start a change from now to hope for the better future, others pointing to the formative years when your character took shape. What shape is that really? What does it represent? What sort of values did you acquire along the way? Where do mistakes end and serious issues begin? How do we know?